Five thoughts today on Father's Day.
1) Just because you are fatherless doesn't mean you don't have fathers.
"Family are the people you share your roof with, not those you share blood with," a friend says. It's not the same as the person you are half of and it doesn't need to be. These men still teach you about friendship, about the lines between protection and love, about how masculinity can show its soft underbelly in the presence of "child".
2) Just because you are fatherless, doesn't mean his lessons don't whisper to you from every other wave and tree. Just because he doesn't sit across from you in flesh, doesn't mean he is gone. He is half of your genetic code and what a sweet thing to be able to chose which parts of him to move forward with, which parts to leave behind. This half-ness, it doesn't mean our connection to our fathers is easy or good or anything more than human. It just is. In reality, no one in the whole world is truly fatherless or motherless. What a thing to hold, both so heavy and so light.
3) To my friends with fathers still here: Love them for all their mistakes, for all their wisdom, for all their error, for all they have and haven't done. Don't wait.
4) To my friends with fathers here but not here (and you know what I mean): You can love someone and create boundaries. You can accept what you will learn from them and the ways you will raise sons to be different. Find your other fathers - they are there.
5) To my friends with fathers not here: I know this day is weird. Avoid it or ceremonize it or waver somewhere in between. I know you know how every day is Father's Day and Mother's Day too.